About a week ago, I deleted my Instagram app. After I realized how much I was comparing my life to everyone else’s, I quickly pressed the little “x” in the upper right corner of the shaking app.
Goodbye.
Well, until 5 minutes ago. I had the urge to look and surf the infinite profiles among Instagram, and that’s just what I did. I entered my log in information, and immediately when seeing the surplus of people’s stories and posts, I felt inadequate. That feeling rushed over me within seconds.
I remembered how awful I feel when looking through that platform and how much I compare and feel “less than”.
I intentionally follow a bajillion eating disorder recovery and body affirming pages, and overall it has been really helpful in adjusting my perspective on food and bodies. It has helped, but lately it’s been the opposite of helpful because I fall right into the comparison trap.
I look at all these bodies of people recovering, and I wonder why mine feels so wrong. I feel flawed and full of shame. I feel like I’m living with a broken mind and body.
I know logically that I’m not broken. I might not be functioning at full capacity right now, both physically and mentally, but that doesn’t mean I’m bad or broken. My process is different than random curated accounts on Instagram.
So, I’m off of that app for now. The comparison still exists, but it doesn’t attack me as often. The struggle still persists, but I still fight.
Things aren’t easy right now, but I know I was wired to do hard things. I can do this, and if taking social media breaks is one way to empower myself, then so be it.
xoxo
Living Humble Bee 