I’m sitting in a coffee shop, drinking my iced latte, and enjoying the sunshine outside the window. Along with those simple pleasures, I’m enjoying the ability to take a deep breath and feel peace.
This last week and a half has been filled with panic. School to-do’s are building up to an extreme and unmanageable level and my daily living still has to occur. How am I supposed to balance everything that life is throwing at me?
School schedules requiring me to be at school for 9+ hours.
Therapy multiple times a week.
A brain that is filled with eating disorder thoughts 24/7.
My desire to connect with friends, new and old.
Work that fills me with joy, and also drains me at times.
One moment I feel okay, and the next I’m dealing with tightness in my chest. My breathing gets shallow, and tears flood down my face. I’m shaking, trying not to draw attention to myself in the hallways of school. Trying to get a breath so I can muster up the energy to keep doing my school work.
But aside from the last week and a half filled with anxiety and panic, today I feel peace and I’m grateful. I’m honoring the fact that I’m doing my best, and that is enough for now.
Doing my best is enough even if I don’t get a 4.0 GPA.
Doing my best is enough even if I end up back in treatment.
Doing my best is enough even if panic and cry at school.
It’s hard to honor the imperfect parts of ourselves, right? It’s hard to truly believe that the raw, scared, vulnerable parts of myself are also allowed a seat at the table along with the perfected parts of myself. All seasons of life, the good and the bad, are welcome. At least that’s what I’m telling myself today.
I’m sitting in this peace today, thanking Jesus for meeting me where I’m at in this part of my journey. Even when the panic returns, I know that doing my best is simply enough.
xoxo
Living Humble Bee 